Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Nearing the end of College

My Senior Vocal Recital, which has caused me so much stress, so many headaches and stomach cramps, has come and passed.  And I'm trying to convince myself that I'm really happy with it.

(My mom and I after I got out of my pretty (but very long and heavy) evening gown.)


As with all performances, when you're done (or even when on stage), you note all the things you've done wrong, all the things you didn't prepare for enough, everything you did differently that nearly caused some sort of catastrophe.  Luckily, the only things I'm dwelling on are quite small.

As a whole, the recital went really well.  I completely forgot a large amount of words in a Borodin piece, but then recycled some of the verses and made up some ridiculous russian syllables, and switched a few things around in one part on the Song to the Moon from Rusalka.  other than that, memorization was totally fine, and for that, I suppose I'm proud of myself.

But I have a hard time letting myself be really proud of...myself (that grammar can't be right...right?) because of a somewhat perfectionist attitude and a drive to be the best.  So some classical voice performances are really hard for me because in terms of technique and support, I know I'm not the best, and I know I have so much to work on.

For example, my second to last piece was "Adieu de L'Hotesse Arabe" and by the time I got to the second verse, I was exhausted and hardly had anything left to go on.  I ended up cutting a lot of notes short and basically panting and turning red because my throat was getting so tight, I was worried I was going to lose sound completely (luckily, the final song has become pretty easy for me and is fast-paced and only a minute long).

So really, there are three things I wish had gone better, but that means I feel that everything else was pretty good.  I ended up getting a lot of complements about the way I did Hildegard chant - with loop pedals and me singing on top of myself - and I actually feel good enough about that to put a video up.

It just feels good to be done.  The senior recital is supposed to be the culmination of everything you've learned about your instrument during your undergraduate degree and it still feels surreal to me.  It's hard to believe that after these next three weeks of studying and lots of reading and papers and owing money, I'll be done with college.  and then owe more money, of course.

I feel like I'm still working on calming down and recovering, but am finally starting to feel a little good about all this difficult music I accomplished/performed.  alright, that's enough night blogging for now, even though, when I started writing, I wanted to talk about something completely different.

anyways, goodnight.

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