So I figured, Hey, I've got real potatoes in the fridge, why the hell not?
Once you have your pieces chopped and in the pan, add about half a cup of water (or however much seems right; I hardly ever cook with measurements) and turn stove to high until most of the liquid has boiled off.
After that liquid is gone, pour in a little cooking oil so they can start to brown. Also, potatoes are notoriously bland, so it's important to add tons of flavor at this point. I ended up adding normal salt, powdered seasoning salt, TJ's everyday seasoning (which I usually use as pepper), cumin, a bit of cayenne pepper, and minced garlic. Mix and continue cooking on med-hi heat.
Cut it up into little bite sized strips and cook on med-hi. or whatever heat you want based on how hungry you are. Let's face it. You really want this delicious mush. And I always cook by instinct, so I'm not very specific about seasoning are amounts or time or heat. sorry about that.
Add (preferably real maple) syrup to the bacon. Because yes. Always add maple syrup to breakfast meats. I always do. and I frickin love this stuff.
Yup. There we go. It's starting to get a little bit crispy and the edges are getting a little caramelized. perfect.
Because why would you not add more butter. Technically, I added the butter because it wasn't getting crispy enough, but butter is also delicious, so there. Also, if there's a lot of bacon grease in the other pan, you can add it to the potatoes to help them brown, and add bacon flavor.
And who doesn't love butter. (see the lack of a question mark there? that's because this is not a question. because everyone loves butter.)
I ended up adding a big spoonful of hashbrowns to the bacon pan, and then cracking two eggs in there, which led to a very high potato-to-bacon ratio. Also, I use cream cheese any time I make scrambled eggs. It's one of my favorites and I've had people try to tell me that's weird. But seriously, try it. The semi-tangy cream cheese flavor offsets the sweet bacon and the heavy potato flavor.
Now, around this time, your pan will stop looking like eggs, bacon, and potatoes, and start to look like scramble-y mush. DO NOT FEAR THE MUSH, IT IS YOUR FRIEND.
Yeah, this isn't the most visually appealing dish you've ever made, but hey, you're hungry and you want breakfast. No one's there to care about what your food looks like but you. And once you taste it, you won't care either.
Yesssss, steamy, crispy, salty, cheesy, yummy, mushy breakfast scramble.
That was the best decision I made today.