hhhhhhhhhh long sighs over here.
I'm going to start this off by saying that I'm quick to worry. which leads to panicking. And while I may frequently worry about a certain aspect of my health, I'm always loath to tell my mother (who lives in tacoma, so somewhat nearby) about anything.
I often can't figure out if what happens to me is serious or just panic and overreacting.
The only way I can think of to make that decision is to call my mom.
Unfortunately, calling my mom with a worry about my health is very likely to lead to a hospital trip, since she knows I wouldn't call her unless I was really scared.
Now for some details.
So I haven't mentioned this very much, but I get heart palpitations that scare the shit out of me. Sometimes it happens during the day and it's just a scary extra "glug" moment, but when it happens at night, I freak out a bit.
It's probably in addition to the sleepiness, but when it happens at night, I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen and when I'm really panicked, I worry that I'll stop breathing if I fall asleep.
For the last few days (around two weeks or less), I'd been having really sharp chest pains in spurts throughout the day. Chest pains on the left side of my chest, made much worse when taking a deep breath and when laying down (esp. laying down, since that made it pretty constant pain).
Now, on top of other heart issues I had, I felt like this was too much to ignore. I did the stupid thing and checked webmd.
ugh. don't do that.
Every aspect of my chest pain symptoms said "seek immediate emergency attention"
and so I was scared shitless.
and so I had to call my mom and tell her that I thought I probably needed to see a doctor.
Now, here's the kicker. I don't have insurance. I can't possibly pay for any on my own, my mom doesn't have some and I don't know if my dad does but he certainly wouldn't be thinking about having me covered.
At the hospital, they did an EKG, CT scan (with the iodine that makes your whole body feel about 200 degrees and makes you feel like you're peeing the whole time. crazy!), blood work and an x-ray and thought there might be some worry about a clot but everything ended up looking fine. My mom repeatedly told me that I wasn't to think about the money and that she would have the paperwork and financial aid and payments, but I can't help feeling incredibly guilty.
I guess the happy ending to this story is that I'm totally fine, even though scary things happen. And now whenever they do, I don't have to worry that there was something that the doctors didn't see or didn't know about that's actually wrong with me.
I just feel like being this sure wasn't worth the consequences, even though Cullen and my mom both told me otherwise.
But here, I'll end this with a photo of me looking a lot more serene than I actually felt.